Vanity

Sometime ago, I wrote an article called, "A Message to America from Romans 1."  There is a portion of it that I think is funny, so here it is, slightly edited.............

There are a list of sins toward the end of Romans 1. One is covetousness, another is envy, and another is pride. Put them together and you get the worst case of greed imaginable. Let me tell you, I do not want to be near a woman when she's inflicted with these three, and she looks in the mirror and sees her first gray hair. The first thing she does is shriek, "AH - A GRAY HAIR!!!!" She falls into a depression, and calls her employer and says she can't make it today, "I'm not feeling well." Then she immediately runs out to the store to get a bottle of dye. Then when her hair turns purple, she runs to a beauty parlor and pays a hundred dollars to get it fixed. Then she goes home, curls up in a chair watching soap operas, and pouts the rest of the day. Then her husband comes home not knowing what had happened that day, and says, "Honey, how was your day?" I would not want to be that guy. She screams, "YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!"   

Husbands, if that ever happens to you, get out of the house, get in your car, and just go. Get a motel room for a couple days. It might be safe to go home then.  

The problem with writing, and you not seeing me tell this story in public, is you don't hear the voice inflexion, and the humor in my voice. I think you see the point though.

That is called vanity. And men are getting just as vain these days. Did you ever see that commercial where a good looking bottle blond comes to the door and asks for some milk? The guy becomes Superman. He jumps out the window, onto a truck or bus, gets to the store and picks up, "Just For Men," and a gallon of milk. He gets rid of the gray hair, and comes to the door with the milk, all in 30 seconds.   

Americans are obsessed with appearance, and with the accumulation of things. Guys have to have a new sports car, or now they are saying a black pick-up truck, to impress the ladies. And she has to be Pamela Anderson, not Phyllis Diller. Gals have to put tons of make-up on to attract George Clooney. Us homely guys don't have a chance. And when the guys find their Pamela Anderson, and the gals find their George Clooney, they get married and experience fire and brimstone on earth.